Precious 18:25 energy left to check if Em is alright, and she is, and isn’t home so shes still at the horse riding so that’s good; HOWEVER, the long and painful silence because I can’t talk to her about it all has triggered me again as it always does when I call and I know I shouldn’t call and I know I should Unplug the phone again and I know I shouldn’t call but I did need to hear from Mim and chack but that ugly emotional inability of hers to take up the slack and find at least something different to talk about instead of that fucking stupid question she always asks me. Like a thick mother always asking her kid what he got up to at school. I’m annoyed with myseklf, and again I fear I may drown in the negative nergy of the exchange which has taken all day to clear! Now that one adjustment of feeling calmer, why would one conversation do that to me; how could it trigger so much disequilibrium. I suppose its my own nerves and thankg god I know to be prepared for it. However, nothing prepares me for the effect, which I KEPP IMAGINING might not be there. Ah when it got like this before, James crept in with his sniveling attention seeking, that led to Dave’s disproportionate reaction no matter the condition of his life he is unbelievably dishonest and negative; and here I am barely a half hour on, going over all the same subjects again.
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