The energy required to bering myself to center (IE the necessity of locking myself AWAY from these “friends”…. Just to get signed on BECAUSE they at some deep rooted level are not able to integrate or Be with me during this CRISIS. The first half of the Ur pages were CRISIS I could feel it left and right. However, this time I do feel a resurgence of strength and a slightly more optimistic tone about dealing with this. HOWEVER…. I have learned, as I have just learned from the phone conversation, there is no point taking a risk and imagining like I did before that it might be different with them.
That said, what does that tell me about tomorrow? Is that an ok? Am I in for a good time/ will I be alright/ should I try and wait and just see if I feel alright up for it or is this a time to really get into the subject of just calling up and going for the incapacity benefit again. HEART tells me KNOW first what I am IN NOW. Tempted here to shift.
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