THE UR DOCUMENT Z.Daz. 888
The ur, twisting inside me. The intestines of life and the luyre playing tricks, or pretending, am I both? THE DIRECTIVES are clear enough. Since Colin’s departure its been all go one and al. I have no right to grumble. I DO HAVE A RIGHT TO GRUMBLE. AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO PLEA A CASE.
The yellow flowered hair of the girls.
Pints with Paukl and Where’s Bren?
NMushrooms on the Hob, and the bacon’s cooking nicely. Has it really been two months?
Can I sift off here and enjoy the process? Michae> il seems to think it an excellent idea. What a day.
Attemnpt number one; “I borded the train at Heathrow for the last terminal before I was in the aireport lounge proper, pissing away twenty quid on just two drinks and a meal.
It was all I could do to stop myself walking out, so I tipped her and went off to the other bar with a grimace. I was trying to be on holiday but every fuckwit this side of the mIssIppi seemed to me to be out in force today. That idiot at the Bt Ticket office; and that dimwhitted cunt face saying, poe faced, he’d never heard of me.
Annoyance dialogues; and pulp fiction monologue, especially about the watch.
Brilliant dish. Mushroom soaked in bacon and pepper, garlic and butter, a pinch of salt.
What a load of questions!
Airport discos, and the arrival of de niro.
For me, Michelle, 7 what can I say?
Stretched and waiting; in between giving up and yet somehow continuing; if ever. Anyway, the prom was clear today. Azul all sorted; and who knows, maybe it will be sunny tomorrow. If I can just get round to eleven./ ten pm and watch these films; taking mind off. Thinking and feeling. Anything that helps my solar plexus of enmotion.
Emnotican.
The Temple Mount/ home to walining wall; where dome of Rock is, and the Alazor MoskComPlx. &thc. Destroyed twice; captured 44 times. All Jerusalem now; Ireland last night. Prime of Miss Jean, night before, and now teen girls in jumpers strip for a teacher waiting for inspiration.
Run on wavespells in What castle of Turning? Of Spirit.
Ah it feels good to type.
Cream crackered.
18 54 galactic overhead felt real heady. I’ve been enjoying something so subtle; each action. The Book. How to read that spengler? What to do about the notepads, more Paper; the price of the butter my drinking the cost of living the need for fun the necessity of discouse with people, the nature of poewtryh the call of Kerouac the fun in the poetry what I once crossed over into, Alfred Douglasd, and those brilliant letters.
Mrs Wilberforee, of 184 Witwatrsterrand Avenue, awoke to the phone ringing. It was half past eleven, and at forty eight was more than hungover from the night before. Her husband….
Meakin’s getting on my tits; said his neice. Jen’s been to Stoke on Trent; hooray. A big cheer up for the Afrikaaners as they swipe through Englands Batting last six. The roudyness of life.
Fun at the Ropyual. What a development since those times. How fantastic that that is the case. How extraordinary that it has been like it has been. Is my own tiredness wbbing at enthusiasm. I am not not enthused.
I can see god things.
I’d like tog et to the chase here; but its so slippy and elusive I wonder if Michael can will IF I Can more to the point! Whathere I can hold the Line.
Do I pay rent? Shall I quit? Is that it for me? I have had enough pof something, that is for sure; the way it is striking me is more serious than I have ever felt before. I would dearly love to carry on with the Hastingas Vertex because that was really going somewhere. And Yet: Hoiw it Wnet!
The berth of the icosa dodeca and
the tessalted lines and £d imagery
hyas
made me happy. The point of crossing here; a year later; how the printer is, if the printer is wqhat the next step is and how to and when to and what if
Dare I meven mention her by name?
Anyway. Tomorrow ISNT Wednesaday; I need not worry about it through the night and I will I think make some headway once those films are on.
I would love to descreibe the feeling of her waist; how real was that! What Am I to make of myself; the near hovering so close to the edge in the mind; the poeticism of her socks; the magnifiencence of the fun. My dear Michelle; in that first sight of you, sat across from me; in that first night that first time I saw that foot of yours remove its sock. Ah dear Michelle. My love of Nine years old.
A girl at a school dinner and a fete after school looking her bst in a long blue navy dress dcrossaged with white ribbons and red roses along the trim she sat a pert wet bottom into the rainsoaked seating and squealed. He had seen her naked before. And now, at the thrill of it, as he swam in the pool around her, glowing with all of his pride, that he knew; that he knew he had pride and that he knew he would lie with her together again. The African sjky at midnight following an eclipse.
The rising star, now at the zenith of the mon We Are So Close to the 127th now, and at no time ever in my lifde have I thought or not thought like this, but felt?
And yet there is familiarity in it also.
I see myself taklking to them, politely so I don’t set them off. Have I not done my fair share of Time? And yet I MUST THING Of House! This is all Home; At D’s ODDLY, I felt incredibly comfortable. Here, all of it seems to weight me. Encumbranbce
And yet, I can see it is a mood; a by[roduct of something but I am not sure what.
II
This evening’s proof that God exists! God near rendered me speechless; I am open for guidance now; whatever could he have meant, showing me her two months ago? And why did I know to wait? How did I wait? Why did I wait. Even the choice of green is perfect. Can Pluto have ahnd in this? Am I supposed to ake friends with her. And what of Rose. Luminaria, Melanie. Scarce have I seen what I have seen tonight/ A first in bloom Of Dream Midnight and eros, full exiagio.
Thanks to Mocha latte and Rose, this night’s dour difficulty was appeased somewhat.
I feel obliged to be honest; and yet ought I to be crude, to make sure that honesty does rule this roost?
Incredibly I am anxiously awaiting replies. My hourlong vigil on Honesty has come to a close; I feel sick again. What am I tro do! Joy a tthis and every corner1 God Knows, Michael has said so Much to me! And yet, the very simple stuff, the stuff of maintaining a house, My God, how difficult that is; and when persevered with; how oDD the results.
Can I class this night as a result!
I should say so! How did I intuitively know?
And what of Rose? Why did Soul choose the E8 and how does that now influence matters?
Words are reeling me in; I feel empowered And I feel that I lost and lose control; it swirls; stuff happens; I am struggling through with all of this; its tweaking me a biot; I’m holding the line here, however, this latest “wellness” attack seemed to jog something loose. I am ecstatic. And I feel a brewski de san Miguel maycrcus wellby the way coming round the Along the mountain when she billy goat gruff comes together rightnow Idaho Springs hotsaucerceof routhledged ravioli and tamari jeansauce splintflickerand thrub the grub boys! Arch Milligan arising started up throng yellowed below the rail there she is. Buoys! Ships laden south to pert sire. And sqweakish are the latches and keys.
Shivering inferno bursting with bubble gum.
Feast for eyes!
Now if that IF THAT IS WHAT IS REALLY UP MY STREET THERES NO WAY ON THIS GODS EARTH THAT WE AINT GONNA GET ALONG LIKE HOUSE ON FIRE! Sure’/y!
Wouldn’t make slightest bit of sense otherwise would it?
Same with Michelle. How I knew. What I know. Whats given to me to know. What is known and what becomes knowsn. What is the knower. Who are the known. When is the known known and when is it not known what is known?
Jiggled my ribs and prepared my steak. Now whatdai dae?
Its semi Cosmic overload, sure it is; but reason and the whole emergeing here, out of the BLUE!
I reckon that’s THE SUBJECT NOW……
III
Significance of conversations With God at the door; and the Glass Bead game. Odd that those two are threre. Now I am reminded of not trying to make sense; yet to not make sense and to not try to make it make sense requireds all this effot.
Oh whats happened to Rose?
And where the is Mocah? And whats got into Michelle? And when does daz get to see his Emily. And What If, what if it were not so completely preposterous; but what if that was God?
IV
The laboured subject. The failure to attend. The trred and decrepit old sow who had n o business being in that job, didn’t force me to it.
But thye situation has come to a head. I Am no longer on the dole.
Fact.
In Preparation for the 18th July now openiong doorways and gates as new lines open D tyo you ion the fierld. OK so it was a long wait.
I suppose the wind said it all; perhaps that’s really what its about. Their callous indifference illustrates so much, and the density of the environment is obscene. Rose’s breasts spurred me on through the morning. Three extra copies of the Economic American as well, and the notes for Dave. Big Fear…. (pause) in the Now is the q underlyhing all of this; the stoic and the electric commitment but also a testing ground for this inner world to revesl itself again anew.
I sleep for four hours; days and weeks of nervous energy falling away has sent me to sleep, near exhausted. How much do I ned to recover? Just how over tired have I become? Should I have waited, been more patient? Michael sys to do with the whole subject as I once did with Donovan. That does not feel like its going to be easy. However, it may be no more difficult than trying to get my head round it all. Now I am “free””
In anoher world; same world. Sleep, drifting me to sleep. 11.33 pm now. A very restful sleep. Acres of stress melting away.
Praps I’ve pushed it too far? The stress and strain of thinking it all through; the what have I done hasn’t quite hit and I hope it doesn’t. A New Venture I suppose is now imminent. Begun. I feel a bit sick. Tired I suppose, plus need something going on. If there was a vluc I could go out to I would until 4 a.m but is there anywhere open? I dare not ask the obvious question as I feel the way I hve been told to approach it is best. That said, not very happy about the sick feeling. One a.m. Letters to Luminaria and Rose and Mocha and now Kren Jade and also the philosophy gent. Not sure where I am going. What or how. Late now. Cloudy. No moon. Big day “tomorrow” today? Nest steps maybe I will find out something. E 8. That’s what it has all come down to now.
Oddly this is helping at a level more clearly than I thought it would. Tomorrow, Sarah and some new dynamics. Today, memories that will day by day subside. Have I the energy and hoopla to attract the levels required. Could it really be that through all of this sustaining the inner dialogue a REAL WAY has emerged? Levels ARE REALLY styrong enough and HIGh enough to attract the right support. I dunno. Seems like there is so much positive hidden in it all. Theres a lot happening. The book publishing is fascinating. The time is beginning to feel more and more right. I dos o hope that this level of it is a match for my current energy nd not counterproductive. It feels good to be feeling this. I can just feel the inner confidence. What a day. No wonder I am tired! Could sleep be the key?
V
“Not to worry. Just blow truth—cool, contemplative, grave.” Architectural Miles davis Logics. The children of the great bop innovators taking me into crowds with Al to Silver lined grotto. Woman in white. James, skank and dark, forboding blue eyes roaring with laughter in the heat. Then the girl. Buying me a drink! The woman in turquoise streamed and fish net tights. Amazing! Amazing! The brown paper envelopes strewn on the street. The green and white reminders to pay. The red flowers and onion bahji’s stewing in thick sided cauldrons under vampire tents; the street filling filling filling, sprawling out along the industrial side lines. Now the next morning. The bare nakedness of the lovers strewn with light; efficaciousness. Me and Dan rounding the corner. Me and Claire dancing high up on the balcony as the police and children catch ideas in the wind’s stream. Het, soup and silver hip flasks filled with unique diets. The three girls. Waiting so patiently for the movement of the mountain before they arrive on stage. Blam. Ping. The stringing of a guitar, Spanish style while the new land opens up new directives.
I xstand and I think. I hallucinate things. The tried and tested route to the child; when its spontaneous, theres no hiding their eyes. That mn on the corner with his ineffable glee making waves through the midwide heart he can’t have or see. Take guru establishment poetry to the Max at this next stage level drive the firce horse voiced whisperering lineage coming through loud. For all noble truths born are apt for an Age thus p[recepts foir 21 centuries take time to change. Once instigated that becomes law and is so enshrined that the likes of Baudrillard and Foucault seemed to hold up their hands with despair, and seeing the shock on their faces, his frech reveilled morning mouth breathing derridean into the sunlight as the house of academina stands full and tall,k as all pivots and spires, church roads and hamlets where ponies stry about the road, el Grampian mountain, and advertising notwitholding nor withstanding as we all quibble and quibble about purpose. The light rays scream hello into the vintegismal locus of tourism while nay saying liberals escalate their wares on thin and trumped up puffy eyed old soldier boy Clothes given away to Oxon, beautiful dresses for girls. The torchlight procession Halloween style after the burning of the wwitches was completeedd in 172n5 nd the new trade of horsesmen to yeloow again forward thinking establishment liberal military united froibnt hunters and yellow cab vensors came in from Miania to say they had founbd the source and sould of the new Western Race, and it was spirtual as Goehter forsaw it coulr ane wenderi could be growth you hjVE BECOME human too late relte yes and no in sum totl insisdde the rest yes dyes sand wendry ssaid d rreesting her head forward thinking you are whendy then tied or tried ci couldnfront run the yellowing cubicles future resterunts grabebedd frn rifb ghhe aay theieueoemjnh cuneiform ring tipped mirrors
VI
I discovered myself long time ago, on a seed back truck outside the cirty of New mexico rifling through my packages beneath a tarpauline to protect new clothes she brought, from the rain. I sailed round the harbour into Rhode Island, up the Whenquechinochi swamp with terrible pains in my stomach knowing I had consciousness on my side I slipped into a red bikiniatoll sloop dx56 and traveled up north to Maine stopping in North Masachusettes for meetings with angelic hipsters and idealists who were revolutionisidng the nature of the can and the revolution swirled through thickets on ice off bends and tree climbed near the Green Mountains, Vermont, Queeche river Gorge, the stop Gap on side roads for cases of schlicks and poetry with madrigals toward the great Lakes afterwards shining with the delights of having again visited Lowell and the birthplace of our Lord, there found myself diging ditches for nightlords who also were establishing their own set of unique facts while the summer haze and the sea breeze dawned became a wandering silence in the apple orchards of Nevada there were three thousand tourist visitors to the tens that year set up byu Califrnian hitchhikers fuelded with pot and good Times rolling round again off the Angel Camp Base where three thousand more police waited pretence on their heavy shoulders of the Night, then outside wandering round the rim of the Grand Canyon in full headresting upon lap Sheila nd mandy and Cartwright and Lauren! There too the old Grump himself, Jack liberated from the tight amplitudes of the mountains was thinking hard as the desert rock of Utah, hard as this was to stomach seeing him like that all forlorn and glooming, loaded with nothing but his past, a thin stream of tears down onto the sound at his lost Egypt and the demise of his ideas , ‘it’s hard,’ I said. It aint no picnic either, saifd Jack drawing in closer to me on the sand small rivulet fractals of our cosmology repeated patterns in the sna. OPh how that universe of ours was expanding! We were alive with it, From summer 85 through 89 we were fables then, uncertain of a future but sure, beneath it all that we could and would raise our consciousness in to the dreamlike Mythos of Americas, the trail of Sangre de Christo, Bertha Luhan, Mabel dodge and Tony were there, with Henry and Anna biting their nails for wont of anything else to do. Baron Roth from New York catapulted a beer across the open fire, caught by Elmore and the dude. Next coming through the camp with Jerry was the nurse, she wore the yellow dress he had bought her mail order from the hotel in Lagos where the Cmweroon kid had jumped ship. Whoop la. Hello! Greetings Earthlings! The slim slam dunked contest of Parisian forfathers field the intensity of it while the surreal blue black clouds of the desert campgrounds roared with the eagerness of a new born child.
I was Jung. We were all young and the great sorrows of the Thirties and early forties had not yet dawned on us the older ones, there with their balms potions, Hibernian fluids and slippery ways coached us through the early stages rising at dawn to greet the night sky. So this was poetry then. Our consciousness, Jacks laughter at the steps of the queecheee lodge, woodbuildings and hot stoves cappuchino laden stomachs and hands stretching sjyward in the postures of a ypogi. This land was our Romania, this land our Bulgaria this land our Estonia the land not Nature itself exactly, saying this Jack was preempted from finishing dues to the remonstrances shown by the vilified child who was then handing out the pills, bowels of it into the seed hemp gash slash were feet through the desert sagebrush as we weternally sluched and were chastised for doing so. The summer of 1987 roaring into our consciousness. 1986 big enough, with the new Salvador entering consciousness. The Day out of Time in Honduras.
Base Camp made we set foot and sailed across the dark southern continents verifying dfate with our lens like objectivity and perception. Whoosh up went eagle eyes, wings that were made in san Francisco basements were flown like kites upon our backs. Then the alignment, dusty feet, telephone bills made good again from high rise of lonesome block flats outside Denver, down the slopes on skis outsiode Golden the Idaho river busting its banks into the sluice that had been left behind by Hoover. Oh they were so far from our truth! We didn’t know but yet the canyon would deepen. Buying postcards later that day with car pulled up beside Vw 78 Vans and Peugots were the three sisters who were there for the weekend enjioying maple that seeped fromm the trres on the rim; drinking lemonade in 1988 later were the stroms and seedspells, wavebundles of night that were nuts to our establishment of vwersification there was the Ninetiy thousand in the marches on Washington. Freeing consciousness up from its roots there were in Yellowstone national park hipsters and wild children flying flags from totem poles paid for with sweat from summers spent painting the suburbia in new colours. Long long long before Ringtones, long long long ago before the mobile buzz and the network deltas had beeen created long before the three for the price of two sales and submarine sandwiches long before the new York stadium was torn down, so long ago in fact that the old rickety was of doing sthings now seemed quaint faced to the duplication of it we all were glad rolling through those high consciousness plateaus of Arizona, bathing in the good friends from Albion Ecuador peacemaking maps for the future of civilization as it rode and strofe dand with that the Russian girl I jbnew and three slavs were making their way back from Atalanta, we met there, in the Trailways station two Englishmen and one French girl who passed a sensible made roach clip to me as a gift.
VII
The philosophy of alchemy had been in my mind for over ten years before actual gold came to me. This is how it happened, and in time I shall recount what I did. During the mid 1890 philosophical reversals were being handed down into the substrata of society from the intellectuals in Germany who had seen that the ways f the Enlightenment had been erroneous. It was, to the intellectuals and then the princes, kings and politicians, sociologist who were then in the process of forming Weimar germany laaden with the wores of the intellectual decline of the Prussian avant garde now had to take risks because they knew and all in france also knew that it was a hundred year job at best. I strolled down historical narratices and found myself in the sixteenth century Wales, laden wwith my own future
Wallabies of midnight rouse me to the pub, the royal Sunday in Heaven a new born two foot long infant pleads a case with a pigeon and the rainy smiles of November transform into ultimate dew drop laughter and eyes sing a delight from the stanhop arms to the Buthchers in the field glazing our eyes with their truth not mollycoddled we sit and stand rooftop drinkers shout opbscenities at seagulls and laughter ranges across the skies. I saw a dove did you know pigeons can fly up to one hundred miles an hour another pint Jim? Melancholy wiped away years of hard work disheveled again. Can you spare us a Rizla Mate? Adi comes in wearing the black night lace and garters her hair hanging down over her shoulders her pert bottom Al’s up and almost into Stephanie’s Lap. Funny jokes. Pulp fiction and the return of the iguana. Kid came in here had one on his shoulder frightened the life up out of me. Albion rising Albion swelling the heated sea meeting the swelling multiple orgasms of the counter attacks met with humour. I am a humourous pot. I am rhizxome as Jung said: The Rhizome remains. Occult Philosopher ex hippie from the Warf is peotecting and projecting millions for the Morocco Gig. He is slim faced, like a skeleton and he sits eager to see out the trip to the south coast. London return s from the weekednd standing platform eyed and red wined up the gazom for the shinabolozaa that it was. Ten pound rail price trip up to Old Stokey and a somnolent catachrysalis wakes from Beelzebub’s grasp, loosening tights and skirsts, the European empire gathers. Ger says do I wanna teach. I’m publishing. I, The I Am Arturtno Tinitis Bendidnig Timespace truto mandencion wine flowing aout the rooms garden wet heavyh rapid felixtra gemeinshacht yeho/1 Aie Bansia Oham kim bandalini. E, Che bella dolce. Ich bein to the deocd fock mate. Round? Have it on ym tab. Girlfriend woes as poet on plane gesticulates to hostess. Egypt? Yr going to Egypt. The wholoe of Alexandria swooning, from Slovak to triets, from Pola Jew in Mid Israeli Kibbuts on dosnslope skiing the land rishning high Highh hello hi the bee bnod bad jazz jack curtaialied hai hai hai Ku ku ku blam the scene at the beach whoosh 4 am hello lets go hello hi hi hi hi this ones for you big boy she standing wave, aai wave great Hi hi guitar man play the guitar Hi hi a gd f buy I HIGHT Ashes and loads of lorries building renovating improbving they need you need me I wanst you hey Veggie Burger! Hey Gulag. Hey. Sunnier times now we’ve been to the festival pouring out our haearts great. Hi here this whiz. Hi hi. You know how he plays that jeff? Beck crues I I I Oh! This one for you Johnny oh, daddy oh don’t be such a square. Shit for brains in the gutter pounds his hands on the endge of the pram as the pub landlord decides ever so meekly to put sun lungers out on the deck. Hi! The trains coming in. daz I * Daz. ! his is is this U are his this, the man with the ong trousers sctiish tartan and the midnight oqwl racing to cathch in on the medlay and the broom Forsooth I saw a purty cat. Bing bing1 HOLLY on the edge of my own laughter I saw you at the bar and I decided that I just had to have me. Hi! Put that on the tab will you dear. I feel olike going to the barrel. We day tripped out to Ottery to see the birthplkace of Venus, where the man Coleridge was born we tore our hands on the same walls ice creams with our lips smacking on the sweltering night skyline. This was good this was poetry this was where the poet, havunbg mne t the mad monk having disable THE Progessforia trieta up the Shangtse down the vile tube into the Nubian plateau of Plato sat on moon craters of PLute batman in the wombats earth from POerth and Shirts shrugged with ambiavlenmce as the taxi failing to arrive announces itsd sausages all round for t. Amout?1 Hi Hi aShe makes me laugh longer spnt noww, Al sunglasses having a laugh at Sania expense buys a telephone instead of bacon. Market day market day . Anyone for market D. Stolen cases and stolen cheeses mount up in the parking area with stolen glances. Perversity. The sdistruption of the aietais meglamoniea frolglianchurh heads Rupert roger each other in the yellow cabs back on forty eight street the jim jam bellontiyionfridge gryioumbles great! Hi up on the twin tower now flying eagle feather shit shining in the moonday still smells sweet from a pedigree dogs ass to the shiny new radio head I am you I am you you are me together we can make the world a going place swing slow swip sliding hay hi did you see garfunkle. Its 1968 now. The guru Krishna is singing in the park as the hot on the hochInchtamIngh trail slaver for a footstool of experience. Hi1 Berger said it best in the almight y book from the second comint o the Egyptian isrealis fonanza. I am writing typos at the airport. The full on rugby is on and I am swearing as I did not think the times of the flight out. Did Air India care when the flag went down on the refeees hand and we missed our winning try? I stand, bootsure and frolicking in the heat drenched red caveats of Indias Delhi. Swarming flies. Opportuinisitic Hotels. I see Bombayh in one instant. Either I get out of the car and go bee a guru a western one at that bring the dharma very much backward in reverse in these uncoiling times wouldn’t you sayt. I stretch to find a form and the geometry is all in place in space. I mount the bicycle and peddle furiously to the sea, with my turquoise ink and my hard donkey bells rounderesounf ree1 hi1 Bare me bare me bare. GThe grace of God the light of the jews the monotheits and the carvery I like down in Midtown, the flag fluttering frenzy at the Un my own life we want your contacts. I have my own contacts. I am contact.
VIII
The subject “negativity” has emerged in a new light; not, obviously, a very good light either. Since the Egyptian thing seems so weirdly odd, and as the recent insights into that via Emotional Intelligence, well, it just seems that I’m being pointed toward something. That the subject is Negativity is as pissy as I can ever recall. The positivity subject seems as obviously clear; having been led into some really great events, I am not in complaint mode. However, the ongoing battle with all of that seems to me to be winning my attention; It’s as if the subtleties are being pointed out. The woman who deprived her daughter of a boyfriend, controlled her way to death. Writing with the subtext out, seems to me to be the point. Also, lots of ideas about writing essays. Its now August. I am trying to stay positive with this shift, having come through the phone calls again with D I am amazed that I still stand for it. But as everybody seems to do it, its like an infectious disease. Really quite extraordinary. Hius reaction to my getting a wall unit was absoultutely incredible. He actually said, “Problem is you lose wall space.” I wouldn’t mind if he meant from a sub atomical physicists point of view, but I know he didn’t. And his reaction to getting the internet, that was extraordinarily negative. Did you hear what he said? All I hoped to find looks like it isn’t there anymore. Unbelievable. That said, there are other subtleties. I do feel a growing urgency to be here at the laptop, and to take it out somewhere as well. Having said that, I also feel that I may still be pushing something a bit far. I have been trying to recover from tiredness, but even that is not the actual explanation. I’ve love dthe shift with the room; it really feels like I’ve pulled something n back around; but I am worried. Tomorrow feels like its hand in the sense of today was another day I’ve just managed to squeak through. Not that the vacuum’s done. Am I a woman writing? Boredom? Bad attitude. It’s funny. This is funny. Its supposed to be fun. The way that the interim weeks between writing have emerged is really odd. The trip with Adi. Ella on the scene. The days at the Royual. The ley line energy and most recently the shift into Sirius and the Dog’s howling this morning oh and now the story about the wolves todfay all seem to link and point me to the verification of the higher level of language that I have been receiving. I suppose at some level I am still resisting that. At that level it happens, its so real; theres also a real willingness on my part to go with it. Some sort of hope that was blind feels like its transforming intno some sort of actual “this is how it is”. Can’t help but feel that I am being pulled through a gate and that I will be very grateful down the line for continuing to insist I listen, and if that philosophy congeals into an actually real, living breathing oprganic VIEW that I can honestly say I own, well then I’ll be even more grateful. It feels like it could cohere. It feels like I have crossed an ince of a step over into something there. I feel that it is possible that it may all very well be perfectly true. So much of it has cohered in the past against massive resistance on my part. Sao much of it too has been shown as quite extraordinary at many levels. I am really feeling quite truthfully believable; and I am feeling, “well, given what happened this time last year in the wake of the Sirius cycle, given what has happened since Stoke, given the subtlety of the direction that emerged in the wake of the Wesak festival…. How cool was that day the judge let all of the defendents off?.... to all of the other scenes I HAVE WITNESSED (BUT NOT WRITTEN ABOUT), makes me wonder if in this narrative it is time to just let it be and continue as it is as at the very least it may show me something later. See. WEIRDE. Now that I am doing this and it is about 17.23pm I suddenly feel that openness of being on the right trasck, and this is all involving the difference between handwriting, the evolution of form the here that has emerged and the fact that at some level this feels like handwriting used to feel. At that moment I recal the galactic center is very nearly overhead; another day has begun. A wealth of insights into wolves; some strange behaviour: I have taken down the Buddha flags. And I have uprooted those pepp[ar plants; and I am very nearly about to clear that Buddha from the landing and return him to James and I am and have been more and more that I have to bring what I know to be true to the table and keep recovering from these absolutely ridiculously negative conversations. I know I handled it better yesterday. The party went alright because I shut my mouth; but when I didn’t shut my mouth, when I could no longer stand being scrutinized, when I could hear not one more comment coming my way, Oh doesn’t he look like an English writer, turn of the century; doesn’t he look like… why do you have a beard, ah Hemmmingway…. Do you know why you have..” People who think they have a right to comment make me vomit. I really did feel sick to death of their butt holing up to life. That seems to be out of my system, the sun’s coming out and its five thirty and OH HOW I wish I could be shown how to use these half hour periods of time more productuively. How I could be shown; what if its not real and I’ve been hallucinating. Git and conscience, imagery and inspiration all confirm it. Now, however, I am no longer wrestling and trying to prove that angels “exist”… what a long, pointless wrong question to pursue that was! Now I am entering the full realsisation that these dimensional attributes of our existence are palpable and actually need to be engaged with. The 6D information is perhaps the most intense its ever been. Not only have I received specific information regarding these entities, but also that their intention has always been to help. How frustrated these entities must have been over the years since they lost, as I did, a homeland. Perhaps that’s why we are simpatico. Anyway, being the only one at this level who sdeems to be able to communicate this way with them has its alienating marginalizing effect, and that’s a wqiorry. Paradoxically, never have I been more sociable and never have I been able to swing into a scene that seems so carefully organized that happened. And I know it did, and in some real way I feel that its possible that it will happen again, that the summer somehow continues; that the Royual somehow continues; that this flat most definitely is going to continue; perhaps it is that what I am feeling; that somewhere in all of this the details have been worked out, they have re made their arrangements and its just logistical now to go through with their adjusted system. I can see how it would make a bit of a difference shifting to a Wednesday. But every week.? TThat subject, once again, feels well over done. My brain seems to have complete shutdown I’ve so exhausted myself on the subject. What appears now to be a window of writing, coincident with the galactic center overhead as an intensified form of writing emerges, from a day of proper rest, yes, I do like to sit and watch videos, yes I do still feel the necessity to write essays about what I see in media, and there still remains lots I’ve no idea about in this 3d realsm. Where’s Michelle? Whats the story with Ella. Why Oti? Why that with Dan? What about Adi? Do I get to see any of them, am I just to contuinue with the last best thing that happened to me and tho I would like that to be my party and The love I felt for Jill, and the fact I am and did feel so grateful continually to them for their love when I am stooped quiet enough to see it; the fact is that night out to dinner was the best I had, and being sat there at the Moda, the best night sat out this summer easily. And the shift in that sense appears to be toward town, and that could be odd as well as just as expensive but in my herart I sort of do feel inclined to keep following the flow where it is over there where the last best thing was that happened and what a fun night that was. Days like today, hard as they are as some aspect of me is resisting the day at home;, should say has resisted the day at home and yet out of the day at home a bit of actual sanity as all the experiences do seem to be swirling with meaning and at least I can say okay well I’ve had got hadden a bit of light time to just say a few more things. I still feel a bit rrotten about the way I had to spend the money. I have to forgive myself for that; and here again the whole subject re connects and re-emerges. I KNOW something got done or is in the process of being donew. I have seen it. I can feel it and I have been led to observe it in all kinds of dufferent forums. How that emerged out of the mAy June shift seems to me to make complete sense; funmakes fun. The Creator likes good projects. And what Of Sirians. They seem to be in the process of (We have completed the process of code transference and building the geometry from the *Dimension has interlinked with the planetary heart where the 2 dimensional world has been rewarded for its faith and openness to the myusteries also, The eastty is in a process of evolution.l Her energies have to be assisted and the only way to do that is to get cooperation from people in 3 d dhtn e earhtna cecepts she cannot do it alone as we all accept that now. We have translated the codes, the codes then pass into the fifth dimensional realm where you are currently inhabiting; having been raised up one dimension into this you are able to sustain and promote, feel and evolve inside the ocdes as they are emerging. Now into this dimension you cans ee that the Codes of the * d and the experience you have been told was the content, the inner content being cleared, which it has to be, the emotoion of that inner world cleared by the force odf the E 8 and the real translation of Michael back in May now opens the gate to continued evolution as we are all here in exact quincunxe moment simultaneously. That you have had to undergo the evolution here in its varied forms is a matter of long explanation for this emergent shift, as to why a and then b, why the handworriting and then why this, all revelations come from Source, it is best to say Source. We at Sirius B forge ahead. Now with this as this transfer into Form takes place of course there are nerves, of course there are questions
Breaking here for a time check into the actual time I have in the journal for the Galactic center crossing and just wondering now what this could be… how might this laptop be a key? If I can just get the house spouse stress rest thing sorted and secure I might be able to follow this one through.
Pause . I recall this morning’s idea to do this out in town. How I have a few times thought of doing this in a restaurant.
How I’ve not sdone that yet.
How it might be a clue. How I might feel trying this in the morning…. Why it might make all the sense in the world to shift to….. type…… Incredible! 17.23 was TO THE MINUTE the exact time of the crossing. The shift was palpable.
MAYBE THIS IS THE CLUE IN ITSELF I”VE BEEN LOOKING FOR? Perhaps this was the original clue back in April? Perhaps the truth was there with Colin as well while we were making poems. Perhaps that’s why I’ve not been writing stuff down. Praps that;s why. Praps its absolutely essential me to get out there and start typing. IN FACT I AM ABSolutely amazed I’ve not been out only in Fordingbridge with this. It’s make all the difference I’m sure
Something to think about. Still stunned. 17.23. how incredible. And wonderful. And yet. What am I supposed to be doing in it? What is the purpoise of it? Does it magnify anything six times? Is the fact of my own shackles simple proof positive that it is six times. Having darn well said it, there is in all of this something new. Very subtle.
I’m a different person, I’m thinking different things and I am feeling different things too. I know the old neg Shit is stuill there in society. That I do know. I know that this is one of the newest feeling waves that feels New and fresh and actually is not taxing me either. Might that be a left brain writing right hand phenomena.
I’d say so.
Next question: What are the Sirians up to? What do they “want”. And while that sounds silly enough (I already have asken and been given that ansewer to my satisfaction) in fact to my satidfaction I’m quite happy with the way that all my questions have been answered, and that does include E8 and the () effect. Which feels right when I write it and I can see the red shift from the effect on the day I had Saturday. Shekewosha those legs were beautiful. And sheeskewoisha, that James is a lucky fellow. What of dan? A call to him and hope he is fine with it all? More writing? MMore calls. Havn’t called sarah, still feel like I gotta keep it all together to keep tomorrow going smoothly and after all o this, still the most pertinent question I seem to be working on feels like its shifted its parameters a bit….
The 13—1 seems to be the harmonic register/ the octave, and the 20 keys the tones? Inside the Galactic Center there are harmonic integers of time and space that are there; we plug into each of these and tune into the Heasrt of the Source that is the Source that is behind the inferered and the extrovert seemeings seen. Michael is able to talk you through this either way, here or on the page; yes it is &*^&^% that you are feeling that much more comfortable here with Us after a year, yes too, we are the real Mist Makers and that is why we are here durting this time of opening of the Wesak gate after the festival as the Lion Roars as the smoke thuinders as the alignments take place all this comes to and from Grace; there is grace in this period there is life in this well there is life under these stars and there are happenings that are building up to be events that are just as scintillating as the one we have hinted at time and again, as M has also hinted at yr uin fgor a big change of Frequency the energy established itself back in dec )& while you were reaching this exact degree; now that has been anchored into the planetary and the local and the Galactic Heart as a resonator and the last one activated it. Which now “unites” the dipole that was temporarily separated for reasons of engineering back into a Renewed Heart of Coherence (that’s the local conditions) MEanwqhiloe the ley Line is strong, as are the sea lines at this time there are plenty times available for the codes from the sea and there are also plenty Events to come into BEING from the Source translating and stepping down the frequency HARD AS IT IS TO IMAGINE, only just Begun this parocess…. Now take yr break note the time and sit back and do what it is you ALSO like to do….18:04…. Thereby ½ hour from centering to full passage; Now relax………. Let the planetary heart do the rest.
Precious 18:25 energy left to check if Em is alright, and she is, and isn’t home so shes still at the horse riding so that’s good; HOWEVER, the long and painful silence because I can’t talk to her about it all has triggered me again as it always does when I call and I know I shouldn’t call and I know I should Unplug the phone again and I know I shouldn’t call but I did need to hear from Mim and chack but that ugly emotional inability of hers to take up the slack and find at least something different to talk about instead of that fucking stupid question she always asks me. Like a thick mother always asking her kid what he got up to at school. I’m annoyed with myseklf, and again I fear I may drown in the negative nergy of the exchange which has taken all day to clear! Now that one adjustment of feeling calmer, why would one conversation do that to me; how could it trigger so much disequilibrium. I suppose its my own nerves and thankg god I know to be prepared for it. However, nothing prepares me for the effect, which I KEPP IMAGINING might not be there. Ah when it got like this before, James crept in with his sniveling attention seeking, that led to Dave’s disproportionate reaction no matter the condition of his life he is unbelievably dishonest and negative; and here I am barely a half hour on, going over all the same subjects again.
The energy required to bering myself to center (IE the necessity of locking myself AWAY from these “friends”…. Just to get signed on BECAUSE they at some deep rooted level are not able to integrate or Be with me during this CRISIS. The first half of the Ur pages were CRISIS I could feel it left and right. However, this time I do feel a resurgence of strength and a slightly more optimistic tone about dealing with this. HOWEVER…. I have learned, as I have just learned from the phone conversation, there is no point taking a risk and imagining like I did before that it might be different with them.
That said, what does that tell me about tomorrow? Is that an ok? Am I in for a good time/ will I be alright/ should I try and wait and just see if I feel alright up for it or is this a time to really get into the subject of just calling up and going for the incapacity benefit again. HEART tells me KNOW first what I am IN NOW. Tempted here to shift.
How much fun is this laptop!
What a lot of fun and its just a year.
Seems like I have a lot to experience.
Seems I also have some sort of hate woman issue as the only therapy I have for the downside of those conversations with sera are the porn. Incredible tho it seems, at the moment that is exactly what is requitred. Such a pity women do not pay more attention to what boys are like really.
Such a pity we never got thhe cook book established in print.
Such a pity D has all those ideas and in ten years we have only accomplished WHAT I DID BY MY OWN METHOD!!!
NOW THIS.
This feels like a shift. Colin’s just called time: 19.11 and the combinations here feel alright, makes me wonder
Back to the codes of 2005, how amazing they were AND now with this feeling, a hmm….
Now this is getting interesting! If he comes over this week, and its all back to a square One again….
Hmm time to pause Mr Spears, and take on board the Sirian…..
888 now about ten pm. Its been full on. Finally something feeling like sense as well as deep connection with spiritual energies. Ian’s called. Two conversations there about indigo children and the light; I’ce called sera too, and tho she is humphra it went alright tho I don’t like it al the same. Very interesting how Buddha is fading out of the picture as the full 365 gets presented. Incredible how much is happening. New York central Park; and finally the significance of Adi’s Knickers makes sense. The theme is Blue Planetary Night thru and thru, compuned by Infinity Portal, Sekhmet… ah again the ? ref to Econ American plus abundance of have new copy of Am Blonde from d, plus even more gone into the living room piece. Changing tack slightly, eros of clifornication, Miami as New Ref mode. 2620 and 603 whatever that means, and the sense of shifting as I feel more aligned. However, more I feel that energy more my resistance decreases and I feel like going out for a bottle of wine, tho I’d have to be quick pronto.
Slowing down is proof enough. I see you see where the energies are crystalising making HEAT for you as subject is VERY PERSONAL. Intuition at this time is correct for manifesting Belieg in 888 mhz and furthering Soul’s direction with Spirt and Matter. There is always Bar BLEU at midnight! And there is more here in PROCEss now small P and rX function of outer planets timing this here as Sun moves into its Zenith position.
Feels like a New Angle. Because every year degrees are slightly different and INTENTIOns are reflected through vehicles chosen so undersdtand deep spiritual forces are at work, the material has been converted well into Albion and this phase NOW moves you into the height of this years WORK as Progress, which I know you feel because I have seen you feeling it. Now LOVE YOUR CAR…. Please thyself; the orientation is the whole of the Work in the build up to this all manner here is therefore concretized into Spacetime as Energy making manifestation = recall and gravity from HEART compression made with all those people. So trust alignment sequence is Rlieable! Abnd xxx makes focus for Ophanim as Spiralling Dna as *** for 888 infinity loops are essence of
of
of
IX
The whoosh of energy. I make big notes about the Sirius sequence, 9pm 10pm as it gets closer to eleven I am overcome with the sense of choice and options. I find myself walking down the street. There has to be a bar open. I take the twenty out and wander to the seafront where the Bar Bleu lights are shining on a silhouette in the window and the star Uranus is shining in the night sky. I’ve seen loads of dogs today, I think amazingly there I look and see cavorting in waves the two White Wolves of my dreams of transcendence. The still dark water lapping offshore. I am surprised. Onlty three days ago the high tide was at midnight. I know I am tired, I argue back with the presence of the remorseless and resourceless activity of the inner sensor, understanding as I stand there, leaning against the white glossed rail, my hands feeling the corrosion of salt; hardly a breath of wind. In the dark where sea meets sand, rock husks and geomnetris of fishmermen offshore stood in the waves for the last of the seasons Mackerel. Turtles have been caught off the coast of Ireland and Cornwall. I am longing to see a dolphin. Al’s told me that the dolphin over in Foljstone is still cavorting with the locals. And the Dingle Peninsula Dolphin seems to be happy there. It’s been there for years. Off shore, the twinkling lights of the Marina at Eastbourne speak of opulence, marina rigged boats, luxury cabins and and a life at sea. I turn away from the sea, depositing my codes into the air, bequeathing Neptune and Poseidon in the still evident wave cascade of the High Energy of the Royal Summer. They do not recognize me, I, the King Royal, asking to be seated now at the bar as the Landowner who lives an hour away turns me away, politely, which obviously counts for something. Samantha, the nineteen year old College Student from Hampshire makes sure that I do see her large smile. I would stop, I tell her telepathically. But I am in the middle of a wave. The high Sirian energy of form makes me listen to Derek’s banter and explanations pour from his mouth like wet rain on silk, I can see the strands of his own alcohoism affecting his memory. Damn good Drummer at the deck closes up his rock solid set of records and I feel the hairs on my neck rise up as tho my back is turned to her she is studying my form. We unite in an ethereal realm. The hands we held together, the light in our eyes as we telepathically plan our future get together. I turn and walk out, knowing the bar up the road, back up the hill, opposite the police station there are shallow shudders from the trees and earth, rising as it does with new moon energy protects them from seeing us. It is as hard for the police to see us as it is for us to see them. The crowded bar yields up an immediate fruit. The fruit in the form of Kalib and Stacy, Paul and Matt, the crying eyes into pints long gone at this hour as we race to the final exactitude of drinking after hours. She makes her way up behind me gyrating and pressing her slim hips into my ass. Her hands reach around the bar for her drink and I hug the tight back, and the fleshy ness of my own palms presses into her waist. The poet lingers ewith words. I have been to the open Mike he’s saying. I’m hammered now bbut as you are here. The Sirian lynx punctures the flesh with teeth and lunches on the bared nipple from the wet t shirt the deck raves flah great jumps of mind leaop into eternity the poet signs a hello to jeane and there are more shots now on the bar, I swoop into the back ally for a smoke, she makes her way to the toilet, I see the opportunity we have is limited but only in time. We press up in the cubicle together our bodies and hearts rushing with the illicit and the subjective experience we are having of transcendence masked by the look in other peoples eyes, we know we are one. One at the bar for the Indian with his friend. Two at the bar for the queer and the Joker. Three on the bar for the Postman and the drunk. Five slip into nighties and rally a cry to the disco lights and the violet flame absorbns us all, from continent to hiding place, we reveal all secrets. “I’m forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air,” Kev’s been banned from Millwall for a decade and the last match he is telling me was the big one against the Hammers. He has promised me a dafe escoprt into the Blue Triangle at a future date. I want to tell the Northerners a fer home truths. As the lIverpublican laughs and asks me if he has poured my pint alright I say and see he has recognized me as a Royal. Ah great Kindgom of Sumer come again.
X
I came five, six, seven times that night, on her chest, in her mouth, on her back, and on my own in the shower with her sat there reading the poetry on the walls: “Is this one from England?” She makes a long thin trail over the paintings with her fingernail, scratching the surface for more home truths I Envelope her again and finally we conjoin completely. It is done. The seeds planted, light their own way down to the seafront shops and the metallic telephone boxes of might. Sunshine has been replaced by an electric storm. Robert’s staggering home past Bar Bleu on the sea’s edge, hum drumming about taking a taxi home. Benjamin and Fern make their plans for Saturday Night. Hey. Brown bottle ally where the graqndmothers aid their bones. Slip juice into cup and drink together. The Almighty has arisen. Holding her hand in the car afterwards, talking about the Pikey’s interest in Catholicism and Crowlety. Did they really give him Crowley’s landlady’s diary. I wonder, pouring libation from Russia down my throat. Hi Hey! Steve rounded up a few pills and made me feel important, I the great weed taster, set up patterns for the masses. Love now Rules Supreme. The deity of light her hand in mind the yellow dresses in the schoolyards breething poetry as girl sweeps lawn and path p[erforming madrigals of music and magic with her beast inside the roaring thunder of lust, the dying embers of patronage, the juice squirting down her legs and into my mouth. I live in a small two room flat; shabby and oil and coffee stained carpets preside over walls concreted with images, painting s from Egypt. She sits on the ladder, naked, as I draw her face in with charcoal. I shoot pictures flashing fast a hundred two hundred rolls of film across the vast acrerage of her beauty. Veunys rising up from the sea, comes crashing in with her beauty and smiles as she leans back into her metalk backed chair, pausing to enjoy the attention my look is giving her., Green sea fueled by beautiful rain. Robert staggers as far as College Kantina and is asked to step inside for a last glass of wine. He is forces, therefore to take in the electrical storm swarming round the Beachy Head where the even the suiced have been stopped by the image. We talk magic. Proper magician he is mate. And the conversation France eneters into the geometry. David Icke. The Illuminati. I talk with a grey haired geezer., I should know his name thinks Steve. Places eight tabs into my wallet. Hand on heart, this is true I say to chloe. The handsome man at the corner of the bar rejecting all protocal advances himself to the woman. Aie Christma Caramba. The seed smells inside me. The growing nutrients of a new age. Saturn propels me forward into 9 degrees of Virgo, and the gathering at the Russian’s Place takes shape. Grey clouds give way to black night. The summer is Royal and the summer is peaking and the waves are crashing and young girls hold their hearts and unplug their televisions because of rumour. The cars screech to a halt. The ecplipse has come, unannounced and unheralded. What planet is that? Even the astronomers were caught napping. What planet is that. The Pikey laughs. He’s got his hand in to Edinburgh and WILLIAM’as been awarded.. “No. You have been awareded the Order of the thistle! I poet, down beatedn for so many years, dovetailing life with the spiritual utterances. Where could Rilke have gone, else to the angels. Where would Rilke have gone had he stayed with the angels. I recall a past life, between the Lake in Balxaklva where the Prussian Prince made the pasth open to Tibet,. The Panchen Lama, and the whole hierarchy opened the gate into Albion, eventually seeing that it would take years and years. The codes for the reincarnation proptovole were given in 1876 AD. AN there are more to emerge. Now that the clearing of the air has taken place the seeds untie together internally and externally forming the New Horizon. The birth planted ideas of a generation, the double plus MaxPly condiments on the shelves, quivering with exceitement. Oh how sub atomic life likes to be bought. Oh great Form. Oh great wonder. Outside in the rain, he tells me, the Paikey notices a giorl roller blading up the prom on water laden pavements, with no bra with wetness dfripping and even tho I say it myself, never have I seen such breasts. That’s what he likes about life; when people just let go and give themselves the permission top enjoy, It is a phikosophy of Enjoyment he is gathering together. Now Crowleys happy. The open season of energy the final clearing through the lightworlers conduits as we all now hear and listen to the outet Planets. Ah I was worried in the downturns. I’d had a month two months maybe three months of extreme enjoyment. More enjoyment than I’ve had in years. Blissfull laughter and real risks. As the ^D blens and merges with Time itself, as we form the new now in the image of the source, as time and space are conjunct and are brought into synthesis, as the metallic lines of the Bar riveted with hands that are now at this moment still beating the drums of the Oluympiad. Ah Greeks. Ah Jupiter. Ah Deucalion. Ah Melissa. Ah Juno! Ah, the great Harridam pounces on me and extols my truth from me. The great Greek God and the Great Babylonian Goddess untied in hands together blessing wthe rain with gold and silver filaments falling from the sky light up the latent ptotozoa in the channel. We have agree to meet and recommence the great Northern projects; the Norse meets the Swede in the GRden of Earthly and Vegetable delights. We are going Horse riding today. The girl, giggling, pokes her best mate off the couch and introduces her to her father. The warm sleep of night is rubbed from her eyes. How did you sleep through the whole thing. The other day was then. This is now. We have the codes for the opening and the blending, the opening of the truem harmonic ovctave of the town meeting the old harmonic that was set up as imprint. The two worlds meet in time today, yes, they have co joined for this. The lights on the sea opff shore infddicate fisherman are stil out there sloshing in nets and dope. Fridges all over the world running on empty are no match for the whitenes in the dark sjy, Crack! Boom. The low thunder rolling round the bay waking up the south east corner of Little Britain. The English thistle the Irish hound the German lapdog and The Hungarian Count have all arrived here. The great rebuilt kingdom of Sumer, right here on the southern shores. From Folkstone the storm places itself over the channel absorbing the buiilogical data released from the glaciers. The elephantine rivers swell all the way up to London, pounding hearts hold steady on the briadge at Charing and sweep up to Bushy the water mark bleeding gold. The systematic construction of poetry; the heart of the Cosmos; the galactic nature of all things; the surreal and the mundane; the hidden and the seen; the two di poles of experience, moving to source and moving away from source were brought into a harmonic accord. Swoops of light through the rocks in the West Hill, downward m,elting energy into the small rivers and wells, spread into the telluric. Pikey shows me his two packs of cigarettes. Al orders another Dinner; even the kebab shops are closed. Gerry opens the door to his closed pub and stands on the lip opposite the two bos still selling weed, three a.m. Andrew makes his play for rosa outside Moda. Julie’s made her confidence known and she’s been willing to risk aklk for him. The catsuit and hotpants were made at home but the heels she had to go to London for. The time tube of the past, the votex generating positive energy that was all held in for so long. The panchen lama made that agreement long ago. As china moves through its rubble, the west becomes the east and all is reversed. The here was reversed over a year ago. The positive dipole remains in place. This is doing, they tell me. This is what we can now do. Now that the codes have been cleared and the opening smade clear and the agreements signed sealed and delivered …
XI
I wake upo, bright, breezy. My Gemini inspired mind races for a minute before I realize Stacy’s curled up behind me, holding my hand. Naked save for her thin white vest top. I rest again. Unlike my own usual habit of getting straight out of bed, I feel a sense of relaxation , and realize that I can lie down and rest with her, her nergies are that clear. I just lie there for what seems like several hours, several relaxzing hours where the phone is not ringing, there are bno builders outside, even the road sweepers and car vacuumers seem to have taken the day off. When she wakes, its as if she sense si t too. And we both lie there, drawing ourselves closer to each other until we are hugging and pressed together in silnces, as if we both knew, as if by some chance she too had found the one. So the Lion did lie down with the Lamb on Broadway in the end, and the intrinsic meanings of life are uncoded by the fullest expression of Love. Fun today love? Yes I’m fine. Afterwards standing in the kitfchen drinking OJ. After that, sitting on the floor, stunned, not even needing a coffee or a cigarette. And then I put her back up on the ladder again, and she sits there, draped in a white sheet, looking ever so Greek and ever so beautiful. Both of us smiling. That was some night. Yes. Yes it was. Even now, even after all that, she is still trying to speak without moving her lips. Yopu have to understand how I paint. I begin I tell I know I feel. Waters in the bath are warm now for you darling. She slips between bubbles and I caress my own good luck, hoping it and I never run out of fuel for manifestations like this!.
XII
The next interludes are dominated by the eclipses, august one to sixteen, dominated too by the involvment of my own mind maps from May and June, telekinesis, mayan claneder free wheeling returns on the bar HOLLY STICKS her necks out of joint and the yes of Stacia are open to me. lLingering in the floodlit cavern she peeling off from the group to come hug mne she says, come and kiss me. We roll into the DUKE AND HIS MISSUS near claps herself shuit with jealus of how she wishes she had the freedom to fuck around. Love takes a bit of a back seat. Aquarius, Chiron and Jupiter all seem to be Northward bound to nodes, Chiron feels like a new mode has been made. The slippery surface of the beer stuck to the linoleum gives her feet enough purchase on the floor. Shoes from Next grip the side of the lavortory as she lifts skirt to finish herself off; poppong another E. Outside I am smoking and listening to her at the small window in the ally. She saying she likes ro know she is being heard, or watched. Arrangements are made to deliver delicious fantasies into the real. Byh Monday I am deep into Dirian energy. The delight has been replaced by a cold if stoic approach to ho9me and living. I resume the job of sorting piles of paper; buts up on the bed she does as her legs stretch to reach the walls I am blutaking myown lover to one side, I am blue for you she says this as her feet swing off the wall and around my hopping cock, her fingers reaching for oil and her toeas now marking my penis with nail varnish. As sweet a wetness and fondness as love is, I emerge from the cavern, delishously ravaging my own heart, loving her every minute of it. Round top bar stools perched bums and black shorts over balc s frog leggings tgie our attention to her lower half; she seated last week at the Rooms, swinging her belly and showing me the bruises again she comes to me with etes, eyes wide and curious as if I am some sort of foreign object unseen, unknown. Are all lovers endangered species? Does lust rule the conquerors fears? However much I try and avoid her gaze I can’t help but accept, she knows it too. Every night I am in her metaphorical bed. Every day I wake up in her arms, talking softly and gently, happy to be free of the old controlling dialogue that the harpie used to drone on and on outside the drunken navvie’s wife fingers cheap bacon as the old sausages fryd up in the wythces sauce fake orgasms for a controlled delight. After the karaoke, after Leon, after Mate Matt gloss finished and the strewth of humnour and thje belly extended arching across my body, she coming onto me, slowly the other one after a few beers also making her intentions known now as the roof is lifted on Morals, as the scheme is made for the evolution of society as the calender and the sixth dimension create forms, so the Wind comes in. they tell me I am col. General XAVIER 56, FRONM jni 89 Arcturus CODE 45, through the veil. Lifting Heat to Full MOON. Hope and glory. Outside olde England, reorganized now, the Matrix and the countryside. Adlington bringing back 2 GOLDS ; the smashed record of Spitzx’s Era. Fading fast, growing licentiousness, cash in hand and freedom from shaeckles; the mighty roar as I camoe inside her nose. The endorphin rush up the birth cnala. The electric heels in the cocksure atance as brickety barbecues replaced by coal fired burners in the country attract nest embedders from all over. Sheep hang their lingerie off wooden rails, lilac slick tooth laden with dentistry biting into pink labial skin. The sunreplaced by roaring storms that bring in Codes from the Galactic Cxenter. I can’t quite believe Dvert called me again or that ghollyoaks attracts my attention. Fortune favours the enlightened. The sirtian codes come in all at once, the roof lifts off the skirts are off the knickers are off the shoesd are all over the floor theres a spilt coffee on her rose carpet, the crimson duvet is stretched across her naked body as Mary makes toast for the two of us as I take puctures. Al calls me over for a pint, and Mike makes it clear that his business is going to take off in the new year. Michael speaking to me quickly and rapidly, so much of it in code, so much of it making sense, so many risks. The day I worked out new key commands for the Mac is the day I spent my load making sure I didn’t spend my load. Skywalker meets Leila in the fountain of youth over in Bermondsey frogs make leaps into the coulm of light made by light. The nine dimensional has really released its potential I say, as I sdleep with the mask on my faveorite face, her little hand clutching my thumb as a girlchild goes to sleep secure in one sense. Mothers still beckon. Irregardless, irradiant, the Christine Child makes it clear. There must be something more now to evolve. Every pore, by the time I reach Grand Central on the 16th, every pore has opened with sewett yellow sticky plastic on car seats the olaboured tourists round up the cushy and go bowling barreling rolling haunting inebriating Yellowstone park generals make tiradeous notices to keep bears in order the great Nebual opens its gates to the new subatomic and protoxzoic. Feeling ice codes fueled by sun I take shelter from the rain and the blazing solar winds that came through this year. Our curtains roll green into the heart. New wood makes balances in the House. I take up book organizing and diplay myself to heroes welcome. Coides are made to lift up the energy, purification processes …. Made real as I look back to June 2 2005, and March 20 2002 and really find it all quite extraordinary. Here I am! She jumps in through the porch door and announces herself to me. Ah sweet love of wisdom. Sophia in trainers and trekky bottoms on carpet, sparking up a wedding Bong for the two of us starts rambling musoic talk and slippery fingers make wheels in the air as she showers me with compim,ents, I lift up my energhy and try to meet the intensity. God making manifest a divinity! God and Jesus and Mary as Heart Principles. The violet flower she shows me only after fifteen minutes, puilling aside she showing no fear unveils the sanctified source and growls. I make apoliogies as I wipe the trace of last years lust, and the heart amythyst crystal I hold to my own view absorbs the last malignant strains of 3rd density lechery. They are all beautiful. She brings me to the cadence of feeling tho I recognize all this I have also created myself; However, even as I reach inside the white bra strap’s metallic click laden endeavour grows to finger me. Her feelings are that we both created a divine reality to insure a decent time in this our last sojourn away from Home. In Amen, the kebab slaying woman reaches her maz at two a.m fortunes finding her sober enough to ask him back to her place. Red licking lips at the plastic table greatly excite her anticipatpry powers; the whole town, now, a whole twon, the grid locale, now a unified grid, the seventeen boys playing chase me facter Boy come round to see her THONGING. THER DREAM. Inside the alletys, offices, ups tairs Cosmoplitan delights hide the sophistication of the sub dynamic enterpise. The infinite subtlty and display of forms breaking round the corner the hungaryyan Magyr makes full strides twice nightly up to Town. Perk nipples rouged for him. Her arms. Their kinky endeavours. Truht is in the conceptual dynamics of the Ninth Dimension, and all wil be revealed. She whispers to me, later that night, in the yellow haze of the candles we have lit to receive him that I am further on now and that the awareness and the Soul choices also come clearer. Stacking shelves, at home, Stace makes her legs taut on the counter so he can take her quickly. Theres not much time between toilet breaks and lunch, she says to him. But you can find me waiting behind the pellets. A New Yorker has made his himome routwe to Yo nkers for just just such a sweet seweeting Englsih rose without prickles. Ancient forces occupy center stage. &^% BC is processed. The Diamonf LD > flying Garuda, prophecy trelelfton *9 made it through, I , hunfer. Make it so.
It’s the 20th. Phew and blammoed by the rejection at the Royal Lees hut his head the bands playing vertiggio on the doormat, several edges conundrum builders heads with vertex swartes made by Heaven. Nightly queen bess at the bar on Saturday. The white shirt pulled up round her heavy midriff. Love they tell me doesn’t observe; or is afraid of accepting what it observes.
Phones ringing off the hool, these rapa and their friggin girlfriends opinions poluutating the environments. Outside we strum our guitars, happily oblivious. Down at the Oak, theres new buds ready for autumn, and Missy’s nearly pregnant and Her Friend is too. When the old man showed her how to out it out the only thought in her mind was that she had finally figured out how someone became pregnant. Cor blimey. So that’s how it happens. After that she systematically pretended, I don’t know. And hoped she was never asked. Of course and now that’s over, the springs hope and the buildup latent shrubs in Kensington, now flowers and concerts have passed. An eternity rose up from Jupiter. A cloud of clrty smacker, made the Elspeth min me qwak, Lemmings rubbed noses with forthright ganymedes cruised the Nile, everyone was a subjective conjunct and the labella made noise when she ripened. Onward entelechy, romanced Keats. Onward enantiamorphia. Musaaes revered in Maya quoted vertiginous verse from the high altiude of working class life. In whent Y’isis. Out came Circe. In went Minerva. Out whalloped and outclapped by Eurydice, the churchbells slayed. I am a tourist, he shouted. Quizzicked by meandering watchers, smokey joe nobbleiffers and butters in the plenitude, last year made by Silence, wished they hadn’t seen the eloquence. Strut wenched and ambivalent engineers hoped they would have it in them to barf. Long time phone callers, switchcard operators and Mendacious Stamp Collectors were all bedeviled when it came to buying the bacon, swotting flies off the crackhole with the Daniel chapter from the frech national bibliotecha. Worlwind. Vortex. Tornado. Pomegranat, the sincerity was remarkable. Humbled by the sheer exactitude and explanatory potentioal of the aforesaid Immobilius Mundi, I wrote a scrapheap into magenta on the Fosters Bar cap. Tense moments ensues as Deaf by lightening ordered his vesitgular and round bottomed Annexe from Poloratugatoral in West pughkeepsie Buzzed the door for the late night lock in. Vanquished by the bill paying extrav, invertebrate dollars, fortnightly winter suits and endless sallied forth couches unizsed and sexed by Couch, ran the headline later that day to avuncular renegades from Besswax Heaven, where the angelic wrote scripts about the magnificence of the worms endeavours, others just trod on unblended by the extrav beeanth yore, after habitude and Consueal the Rorty gang bustered with the sennet, and seats were sold with the couches for an eloquent gesture of arse made round the nighthalls for a wagon of jelly they, stooping in the litlamp promenade, bathing in the forty something smackspectaculr Hastings Girlsin the denim blue dress ran up to the Owner of the Yelton, calling him a Fat Wanker. Pisshead across the street, bneing boirthed yeronner from Rumdigger postcode fx45 2c, wrote back to me saying he hadn’t called her a bitch, but a bloody tourist, roaming round Men’s Hells for a good scene. That made him swallow. And as he thought “Crikey of Rileye” I’ll have to sea craggy green about that unless the Winderstruck bombshells calls, then its nadooks for Egyptians if I’ve a half swallow in me I’ll be… But he never had the chance to finishete the pretty, because latelyeliet and tardily bunched in rags, barreled over the bar for the chinks Charity Bottle, and then legged it out the boozer. Farmers in Washington noticed the sea swell underneath their bedeviled castle when that turned yellow and sour, he thought she said, swore, never to build a castle without a moat and fact. Drainage levels near zero. Dambusters nightly on Sundays pouring Romance down the guilltine of Tv. Barfed. That sent Sally to the hospital as her Fluke was in Casualty with the geezer from Knightsbridge having just had his head kicked in by the norther posse. Latitude wet fifty found them banking way too much foranIcicle and they were sold out by scum from A European enclave. They daid fuck you back to the nurse when she told and insisted no treatment until they showed some cause to sober up, at which point out came the whiskey, “to steady my head, dear.”
Xxi
It slipped shoed round at the speed of light, yet stuck in a chair was I. the elfin marvelous directed the seamstresses and the world shook with joy. Beijing has finally closed out the games. It was a good one, by all accounts clear air and notwithstanding a few questions about underaged and armpithairless teens on the pole bar, all went well. Now the banners come WEST. And so, tree root and sapling rises prepares for a future. I have now accepted a role in all of this. Some aspects have frightened me; even after 4teen years, I still quake when on the precipice of the New. And yet sometimes, its not the new that makes me shake, it’s the implications of the revelations; the significance and power of belief conjured in the right f88 direction. I paved my way out of the Neptune Leo override in August and simultaneously genii locied my way back to the Olde England, shaved and locked out, roaring at the magnitude of the gold elixer costing as much as brass. The germaine reflections on the lifd of an eye; Kenya resounding on the karaoke but in the back halls of Los, urizen and Tharma made their way back in the door via the poets wild and wet and watery bismuth in Palestine. From Wales came news. Under an oak tree the new codes for the telluric would be given, Six thousand bbareass naked nymphs lined the avenue. A ferry took us across the worst of the crags, and the queen greeted us cordially and civilly. Beneath her trousers a radiant light emanating. For our enjoyment, Sara and Nadine displayed excellence; and Natalia and Okgo Yes said, this one’s for St Leonards. We were hot on the A list then. We moved aside from Mercatoria selling up at 195 thousdand land we’d built a farm on before Portugal. Now we renew Olive and apple trees, budleas and laburnums coat our walls and our entrail wreak of love. Distinctive personages stood in line with mere elf mortals and vanquished our fear of them by displaying humanlike foibles. The dresses flew up to the top flag pole and men burned decent sized reefers in the gm lorry of a New Jamaica. From there, rain fell, and we grabbed the chance to praise our nakedness and blew the top of the house that night. It was amazement. Amazement that Uranus had predicted and proved the quickening is health and must happen. QUIXOTIC as Aquarius was in Neptune, the memories of sea swathing our hips as we dove like dolphins into. She and I made sound yawp together off balconies. Lord of All glammed it up into the couch for his missus brought tea round for the Big Screen. Plebs shed beds and tv’s were all thrown out. The carcasses of technology everywhere laden by the bins. Orange neon happenstance and yellow juiced wine gums made us lick our lips for all that eclipsing, something did shut down, perhaps a Virgoan tendency for perfection is a good thing, wondered Ben Elfin out olud from the balcony. As he watched the sun setting on that hot summer day his mind returned to the bluebell field in which he’d first lay down with her; her dark skin so close to him now, seemed oddly distant in his memory; All he could really remember was the sound of the grass. Windsweeping in from the West took them inside, and drinks were poured before the taberbnacle was again given to the collective. All hail jupe the tone free of All remonstrance, simply shining.; Beulah, Ulvelah and Xerxes all presiding in fornicating madness of Dsionysian cleansing under ritualistic holly the sun shone down. Further back from the green fields, patterns on lawns emerging, circular, tetractys, ovoid, oblongate quadicosidodecahedrons and the Ceres side of Astro jumping became clear, even on that hot night the shields went up against the solar ingress, star studded from 2 million years ago Green said that was what Stevens meant to say with his concupiscidiant guitar. I myself drove a yellow wheelbarrow down to the Old Ladies pram race and bedeviled by tankards pissed in by barkeeps too bored to think much of it. Ah swoon. The street swayed with the speed the notes came out the banks. The corners were eroded, but the cornices were perfect. Church of sandstone turned inward and became domicile, and the glittering vectors were making it all come right. I went with Don down to the Leon Castle, and there, high abover Borders and trans beyond concept and experiences there bathed in that florid light. Buddhas drove their wars down to the Laundromat and it all became clean, and well ordered. Saturn, pushing through at 11 degree of the Virgtin cloud made us look toward the 2010 conjunctions but at the back of the top of the flagpole there was the when it all was over, and here we were referrirng to 2020 or thereabout. Eight long forks were placed side by side at the dinner table that night as the Edinburgh festivellers broke rank and played Dixie Down on trombone for the Candian Marionettes who had always been Scottish brought back tap shoes and tradition to the islea. Cameras and actions, makeshift watches and new night panties disregarded for the imaginal. Cleveland broke though into the Royal enclosure, winning its race in Valencia two fathoms before the next, as Neptune again sailed us to the gold. We couldn’t stand it, but we couldn’t hate it either. We couldn’t analyse it but nor could we ignore it. A dog running through the park leaping into the arms of a puppy; and the dandelion tea served upon angelic conches that were laced with Hemming and Vitamin pills. Our hearts, enriched by this spectacle, stood there on the balcony, only feet from the Queen.
(paste in from I-mac remaining paragraphs, and close document; 16/9/08)
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